Seven Cent Nickels
by Formidable Opponent
Summary: “Spill it, Gibbs. Tell me your dirty, little secrets.” Short, Gibbs/Abby dialogue pieces. Random, fluffy, and hopefully amusing.
1. Sleep is for the Weak

**_Seven Cent Nickels_**

_"The nickel today is not what it was fifteen years ago. Do you know what this country needs today?...A seven-cent nickel. Yessiree, we've been using the five-cent nickel in this country since 1492. Now that's pretty near a hundred years' daylight saving. Now, why not give the seven-cent nickel a chance? If that works out, next year we could have an eight-cent nickel. Think what that would mean. You could go to a newsstand, buy a three-cent newspaper and get the same nickel back again. One nickel carefully used would last a family a lifetime!" - _Captain Jeffrey T. Spaulding as played by Groucho Marx in 1930's "Animal Crackers."

* * *

"Major Mass Spec is about to implode."

"What?! We gotta save him, Gibbs! Get the extinguisher! Get a lifejacket! We have to--, Gibbs…"

"Abs, you're tired. Go home. Get some sleep."

"That was not funny, Gibbs. Not funny at all. You know I can't live without Big Daddy! He's almost as important as Bert! Maybe more! You know, I've never been good at ranking things. The Major has, of course, technical use, but Bert…well, Bert is Bert. He's the--"

"Abby. Go home."

"I don't need any sleep. Let me chug a few ounces of Caf-Pow and I'll be fine. More than fine. The finest!"

"No more caffeine for you. As a forensic scientist, you should know what it does to you system."

"Coming from the man who'd conk without his morning shot of that really cruddy sludge you call coffee."

"Come on. I'll drive you home."

"I've got samples to run, prints to identify, videos to clarify, Bert to hug--"

"Bring Bert with you. The rest can wait."

"What's in it for me, Gibbs?"

"Besides the much needed rest? What do you want, Abs?"

"Tisk, tisk. You should never ask a girl that, unless you're sure you can provide. You should know, after three ex-wives."

"You're right. I withdraw--"

"No! Okay. I want a Jethro."

"Come again?"

"Sleep is for the weak, Gibbs! And if you're going to make me sleep, I'm going to need a tough pup to back me up. A girl's gotta look out for herself, well, in this case, through the aid of a dog, but you know, chivalry is hard to come by these days. You're not going to be around day in and day out--"

"I'll always be around, Abby. Wherever you are. All you need to do is call."


	2. In My Gut

"I know you're in here, Gibbs. I can feel it in my _gut_. Gibbs?"

"Your gut?"

"Jesus, Gibbs! Yes. _My_ gut. It works just as well as yours...but only when it wants to."

"Your gut has a mind of its own?"

"Of course, Gibbs! Take now, for instance. I've always known that you fuddle around with dark magic, but my gut tells me you're actually more of a ninja. Actually, my mind kinda agrees with my gut there. You do have some pretty awesome, sneaky, evasive skills, I must admit."

"Only gets better with age, Abs."

"Along with your looks."

"That too."

"Hold that thought. Teach me, Master."

"Teach you what?"

"Your mad ninja skills."

"Why?"

"Bert gets a bit clingy sometimes."


	3. Let's Go Bowling

"Let's go bowling, Gibbs."

"You know I don't bowl."

"Oh, but you'll love it! The nuns are so good at it, it'll _amaze_ you. Well, if anything at all can amaze you, it's the nuns."

"I'm no good at it."

"Oh, but Gibbs! You're good at lots of things, like: listening to your gut, glaring, drinking coffee, having sexy silver hair, smacking people, driving, mind reading--"

"Abby."

"And did I mention looking sexy with that silver hair of yours?"

"I'm busy."

"With what? Building your boat? You spend night and day working on her. She can wait. Bowling, on the other hand, can't. These nuns aren't getting any younger, ya know."

"Abby, as much as I'd love to spend my off time with you, bowling just isn't my thing. I'm more of a baseball--"

"I thought you'd never ask! I would love to go to a baseball game with you, Gibbs!"


	4. This Hunk of Ship

"You probably get this all the time, but I have to ask. How the hell are you going to get this hunk of ship out of your basement?"

"Good question, Abs. You're the scientist. Think of something."

"It's not my boat, Gibbs. I am totally not responsible for your crazy ideas."

"I thought you liked solving puzzles."

"I do! But this! This is nuts. Almost as nuts as the time Steve--I used to date him, you see--tapped my cell and tailed me to a dinner party with Sister Melanie and the others. He thought she was trying to gut me with a machete, but really, she was showing me a handy knife trick that would make Ziva spin in circles. Sister Melanie has many talents, I can tell you so much. Anyhow, the short story is, Steve ended up in Bethesda for a few days. Or was it weeks? Well, Steve had intimacy issues…"

"Wasn't Billy Bob the one with intimacy issues?"

"I think you might have uncovered a trend here, Gibbs."

"Sometimes, Abs, the things you go through could rival a Marine."

"Aw, Gibbs. That's sweet. Do I get my Navy Achievement Medal now?

"Nope. You disobeyed a commanding officer's direct order. I'll let you off with a court-martial and a Dishonorable Discharge."

"Sigh. And my career as a Marine had only just begun."

"Don't take it too hard. You can have all the medals DiNozzo has stashed in his drawer."

"Thank you, ma'am."


	5. I Have a Secret

"I have a secret."

"You gunna tell it to me?"

"Patience, Gibbs. I'm thinking."

"Thinking of what?"

"Of whether or not I should tell you."

"You don't trust me?"

"You know I do. You're the most trustworthy person I know. Like, ever."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Shh!"

"I'll find out, Abs. Whatever it is."

"Alright, I'll settle for a trade."

"What?"

"You tell me a secret of yours, and I'll tell you mine. Deal?"

"Any secret?"

"Yup."

"A deal it is."

"Spill it, Gibbs. Tell me your dirty, little secrets."

"Once, back in '04, I drank an entire cup of Caf-Pow."

"Well, duh, Gibbs! That whole day you were as high as a balloon filled with eight liters of helium. Definitely the happiest, hyper-est Gibbs I've ever seen. Not to say you're not always happy. It's just that, well, you're usually not. At least, you don't always look happy, even if you are. Well, anyway, I'll never forget that day. It was the first time you ever reached for a hug. Your hugs are the greatest, Gibbs. They really are. I don't think I'd be able to get through some of the stuff that happens at NCIS without them. They're like my lifeline, besides Caf-Pow. Right! Caf-Pow. They really pack a punch, don't they?"

"I don't know how you can drink the stuff."

"I know you know you liked it. Otherwise, you wouldn't have drank it all. Those other times you pretend you hate it and spit it out, it's all pretense. You can't fool me, Gibbs. You love Caf-Pow."

"Think what you like, Abs. Your turn."

"You cheated. I already knew your secret, but you've got balls for admitting you like Caf-Pow; I give you that."

"Out with it."

"My secret is much too secret to say out loud. Come here. Closer."

"Abby. I already know that. I love you, too. More than you know."


	6. Your Special Someone

"You need something, Abs?"

"Maybe, Gibbs. Actually, yes. I do. Well, I don't _need_ something. It's more like I'd _like_ something. You know what I mean?"

"Would you get to the point if I said yes?"

"Um, I'll try."

"Good. I'm listening."

"You know what day it is?"

"Yes. The 31st."

"Of…"

"Of December."

"Right."

"Yeah?"

"Hello! The year's almost over! In fact, it'll be over in, like, a minute!"

"So?"

"So? Gibbs! You know what people do once the new year begins?"

"Party and get drunk."

"That, and…Come on, Gibbs! It's a tradition! The celebrations. The having a good time. The countdown. The being with a special someone. The--"

_5_

"Who's your special someone, Abby?"

_4_

"Um, wouldn't you like to hear the last step first?"

_3_

"Who, Abs?

_2_

"I'd like it to be you."

_1_

"I'm already yours."

_Happy New Year!_


	7. Something Better

"Any reason you're sitting on my desk?"

"Gibbs! You're finally here! I've got something to show you!"

"Yeah?"

"Look! New phone! Ain't it a beaut?"

"Gonna start taking pictures again?"

"Um, probably. Definitely. But that's not why my butt's on your desk. I've got something even better!"

"I'm all ears, Abs."

"You know those cold cases you brought in last night? The ones you thought whose evidence was compromised? Well, you were right."

"Tell me something I don't know, Abby."

"Why, aren't you so sure of yourself today. I'm not saying that you're not always right, Gibbs, 'cause you usually are. You just don't usually boast as much. But then again, not to say you're not expressive, because you're very expressive. At least when you're angry. But sometimes, you can be very sweet and touching…Okay. Something you don't know--um…"

"Schooch. You're sitting on a folder."

"Ow, Gibbs! No need to push. It's still sensitive from the last time it came in contact with your wrath."

"Anything more to tell me?"

"Nothing that relates to the case…"

"Though I sense you have something else to say."

"Uh, yeah. But it's, uh, kinda more personal."

"Do we need a room?"

"Oh, as much as I'd love to be in a room with you, Gibbs--alone, that won't be necessary. I have something for you."

"You do?"

"Open it, open it!"

"It looks like yours. Why?"

"I thought it'd be cute--matching phones! Since yours was so old, I thought, you know, maybe you'd want a new one. You like?"

"Abs, you know how I treat my phones. It's just going to get all banged up. You didn't have to--"

"But I wanted to, Gibbs! I got insurance for it. If you break it, you'll get another one for free. Well, not really free, since I still have to pay for the insurance, but it's worth it and--"

"Thanks, Abby. I appreciate it."

"Appreciate it? You can do better than that. Way better."

"Come on. What do you want from me? A kiss?"

"Like there's anything else on this earth that's better!"

"Fine. Happy?"

"Not there, Gibbs. Here, on the lips."

* * *

Please check out my new fic **_Anatomy of Sleep_**. You won't be disappointed. Merci.

* * *


	8. Funny Business

"Tough day?"

"Only _the_ toughest. Did you know how long it took to process those thirty-seven unknown prints? Especially when twenty-two of them were overlapping? Well, not _all_ overlapping, together, in one spot. But overlapping, like, you know--two here, three there, et cetera."

"You did good today, Abs."

"Thanks."

"It's getting late. Ready to go home?"

"Just about. I've got to shut down my babies. You?"

"I'll leave when you leave."

"Ever the gentleman, Gibbs. Wait here."

"Hey! What are you doing back there? Your computers are all off. Let's go!"

"Just spiffying up. I'll be out in a second. Patience is a virtue, Gibbs!--Tada!"

"What's with the makeover? Thought you were going home."

"Changed my mind. I'm going on a date."

"Your date know about this?"

"He does now."

"Anyone I know?"

"Down to the bone."

"Good looking?"

"Only the hottest."

"Don't tell me it's Tony."

"You think Tony's hot? Gibbs! I never knew!"

"Abby."

"Kidding, Gibbs. Yeesh."

"Whoever this fellow is, tell him--any funny business, and he'll have to answer to me."

"You're such an ol' papa bear, Gibbs. I'll be happy to relay the message--any funny business, and you'll have to answer to Gibbs."

"To your date, Abs. Not me."

"You are my date."


	9. A Bit Overwhelmed

"Need some help?"

"No, Gibbs! I can do this!"

"You just seem a bit overwhelmed."

"It's not as difficult as it looks. Really. It'll just take me a while. A few minutes. Or hours."

"Shouldn't you be used to those things by now?"

"I should be, and am. But this one is new. They reinforced the whole thing with new crummy materials that're making it hard as hell to put together. I thought they were fine the way they were, and I just don't get why they had to go and try to fix it when there was _nothing_ to fix! They were perfect!"

"Then why'd you buy these?"

"Um, 'cause the old ones died. Duh. Well, not died-died, since they were never alive. But, you know, worn out-died. "

"Don't you have more of these at home?"

"Yeah, but none this color. Done! Looks great, huh?"

"Come on, Abs. Off the floor."

"Ugh. But they feel like crap! They must have added twenty pounds to the soles. I feel like I'm walking in drying cement."

"Can't be that bad."

"You wanna try them on, Gibbs?"

"No thanks."

"Then zip it, mister... Christ, I can barely walk."

"Trying to bait me into carrying you to your hearse, Abs?"

"If they made these any heavier, you'd be pushing me on a gurney. Not that it wouldn't be fun to ride on one. I mean, I wouldn't want to be dead, of course. But, you know, it's like a bed on wheels!... A bit creppy, isn't it?"

"Just a little."

"Well, what are you waiting for? These boots ain't made for walking."

"Alright, come here. We've got to get you better shoes... Damn, these are heavy!"

"Am I hearing an offer to go out shopping with me?"

"Anything to get these damned boots off of you and as far away from me as possible."

"You don't like carrying me, Gibbs?"

"Never said that, Abby."


	10. Lookin' for Trouble

"You're drunk."

"Not lookin' so great yourself, Abs."

"Gibbs! Don't be so crude! You should never, ever, say that to a woman, unless you're lookin' for trouble. And, for you information, I did not have anything more to drink than you."

"Yeah, well, you can't hold your liquor."

"How would you know, Gibbs? It's not like you've ever seen me…oh. Yeah, well, I'm just not used to bourbon."

"You've had more than one chance to get used to it, Abs."

"You, el hefe, can kiss my ass. I am no more drunk than you! You just…hold it in better. Kinda like that bottomless bladder of yours. I, on the other hand, as such a happy person, tend to express myself more than other people. People like you, Gibbs."

"In other words, you just can't hold your liquor."

"Boss Man, you can be such a prick sometimes, ya know?"

"Second 'B''s for bastard, remember?"

"That you are, my silver-haired fox. That you are. And you know what else you are?"

"Want me to guess? Or are you gonna it tell me?"

"You know, Gibbs, you're really beginning to get on my nerves."

"That so?"

"Yeah."

"What're you gonna do about it?"

"Sure you wanna ask me that, Gibbs? 'cause you're really diggin' for it…"

"What's wrong, Abs? Scared?"

"Oh, Gibbs. You are definitely asking for it now."

"Then give it to me."

* * *

_Thanks to Jo.R for the idea._


End file.
